Review: ‘The Lord of the Rings: Gollum’ flings its disappointing, broken husk into Mount Doom

I remember when The Lord of the Rings: Gollum was announced all the way back in 2019. When the first “cinematic” trailer dropped at the 2021 Game Awards, everyone else was skeptical. Cringing. Mocking. But me? “Wow, a Gollum-centric game? There are so many possibilities! This will be jam-packed with all kinds of lore and let us explore a Middle-earth from the perspective of one of the franchise’s best characters!”

Initially, I thought it would be a full-blooded narrative adventure in the vein of Telltale’s The Walking Dead or Don’t Nod’s Life is Strange, both of which chart somewhere in my top 30 games of all time (but don’t ask me about specific placements at the moment). But an action/stealth game? Okay! That could work, I guess! I mean, it isn’t as though Gollum can wield a sword with any level of expertise — or win any kind of fair one-on-one engagement with most of LotR’s best and brightest.

No, Gollum is a bastard. One that’s tragic and sympathetic, sure, but a bastard all the same. We all remember how he got the One Ring, and it sure wasn’t something he acquired over a nice conversation. With a character that’s heavily rooted in trickery, manipulation, and relying on his ability to catch unsuspecting enemies off-guard, Daedalic Entertainment had an intriguing challenge ahead of it. Many games try to incorporate stealth and end up creating a janky, floaty disaster of a final product. But surely, with such a beloved IP that already has a shoddy track record when it comes to making a compelling video game, there’s no way this can fail!

I’ll start by saying that Gollum’s vocal range is surprisingly good! It’s no Andy Serkis, of course, but when Gollum is struggling between himself and Sméagol, you can hear that pain and indecision. That internal battle is easily the best part of the game, and it’s not even close. At various points, players will have to decide which “half” is in the driver’s seat when it comes to crucial choices, which is an interesting mechanic — albeit one that’s handled in the worst possible way.

To set the stage, I’ll use the game’s first use of this: Gollum comes across an innocent bug that’s minding its own business. Sméagol stops to admire the creature, but Gollum is paranoid. Gollum is being followed. Gollum thinks the bug is an agent of Sauron. So, what’s it going to be? Do you let Gollum crush the insect under his frenzied heel, or do you allow Sméagol to enjoy the rare moment of respite? I, of course, wanted nothing but the best for ol’ Sméagol (though by the nature of the story being a prequel to the events of LotR, I knew it was for naught — but I could dream), so that’s what I chose.

The game decided to then cut to a battle of wits between Sméagol and Gollum where I had to talk Gollum down from his erratic impulses. Conceptually, I love this as a mechanic. It perfectly complements Gollum’s fraught, dual-sided nature and should have made for a tense back-and-forth where you’re essentially bringing a breadstick to a swordfight against a madman. However, this premise is immediately drowned by its insipid, lifeless presentation.

While these arguments unfold inside his head, Gollum is placed against a static, gray background, looking dead at the player as you verbally spar with him — with dialogue options hovering at the side of the screen. This pulled me all the way out of the experience and viciously reminded me that, yes, I was playing a video game with fabricated characters. It’s hard to take these morality entanglements seriously, and worse, it showcases Gollum himself as an unflattering, creepy puppet.

Gollum is hideous. Sure, that’s true to the character, but when I say “hideous,” I mean he looks less like Gollum and more like a malnourished chimney sweep. In fact, this criticism goes well beyond Gollum himself and extends to… well, everything. Some of the textures on certain items and backgrounds are flat and lack the proper detail, beards look like Lego attachments you could easily snatch off, and characters can’t move without the occasional shake and jitter. One of Gollum’s biggest enemies is the transitioning between cutscenes and gameplay because characters would often blink into existence and vibrate for a split second before speaking. I’m typically not a graphics snob, but at times, you’d be forgiven for walking in on someone playing this and thinking they dusted off their PlayStation 2.

I tried to play this on Quality mode, I really did. However, Gollum started doing a nervous, stuttered two-step with every attempt at forward motion, and after a minute of praying the issue would resolve itself, I gave up and left it on Performance mode where it at least made more of an effort to run properly. Oh, but you can specifically adjust the texture of what’s left of Gollum’s hair, so… yeah, the developers thought of everything! (You’re missing approximately nothing with Quality mode, trust me.)

While we’re on the subject of things not quite working as they should, let’s talk about the actual moment-to-moment gameplay! So, Gollum’s a spry fella, it turns out — able to perform long jumps, sprint up and alongside walls, and shimmy across ledges. In the opening hour or so, while learning the controls and lay of the land, I was actually having fun if you can believe it. Gollum moved where I wanted him to, he was bantering with himself, and I was so ready to tell everyone that this would be 2023’s sleeper hit. But then, the game continued past the tutorial and introduced more complex “platforming.”

Gollum has a stamina meter, by the way, that you have to watch closely or risk plummeting to your death! Now, this wouldn’t have bothered me were it not for the fact that once you’re required to get a little fancy and precise with your jumps, Gollum listens to you about 70 percent of the time. Otherwise, he apparently loves falling to his doom. You’re expected to move with a sense of urgency because, you know, stamina, but sometimes, you need a moment to delicately position Gollum so he’ll actually make the jump. I had to hold my breath during some extended platforming/tailing sections for fear of restarting and losing a solid few minutes of progress.

Did you forget this was a stealth game? You thought tailing missions were passé? Well, they’re here — and what’s more, sometimes they also go terribly wrong through no fault of the player! During my very first tailing venture, in which I had to follow two orcs, everything was going alright! We ended up in a cave, where I was then tasked with sneaking behind one of the orcs and taking him out. I did that, and then, I had to pick up a stone so I could turn a lantern off and plunge the cave into darkness — Gollum’s greatest ally. Well, when I set myself to walk over to the stone, the game froze. Then kicked me out to the PS5’s home menu. It crashed.

So, I steeled myself and got back into it. After all, outside of some of those outrageous platforming/climbing sections, at least the checkpoint system was decently generous! This time, I snuck behind the first orc again. I got into position, and… the button prompt never appeared! I waited and waited… nothing. Needless to say, the orc turned around, and before he could properly ruin my day, guess what? The game crashed again!

Throughout the remainder of my time with the game, the game would crash again, and again, and again, and again. At random! Sometimes, it would happen during a cutscene! Sometimes, it would happen during a critical moment! But mostly, it would just happen. When it was all said and done, it felt like I’d developed a rageful, intolerant Gollum equivalent that never wanted to see another crash, glitch, or misguided climbing ordeal in a video game ever again. It’s been quite some time since I played something as flagrantly broken as this. Is it oddly poetic considering the character? Yes. But I’m afraid I can’t give Daedalic Entertainment the benefit of having provided the most meta — albeit miserable — gaming experience of recent years.

It’s such a shame because with more care and polish, this could’ve been 2023’s sleeper hit of the year. Without spoiling anything, the story itself at least explores Gollum as a character in a way no other Lord of the Rings offering has to date. You’ll encounter people both new and familiar to the Tolkien mythos, and admittedly, there are some cool moments and encounters in isolation. It’s a pity it’s all surrounded by a truly terrible game. Dreadful graphics, constant bugs, and glitches, laughable voice acting from most of the other characters, choppy animations, endless crashes, and a misguided morality system that ultimately amounts to little more than a rotten cherry atop a cake composed of rocks and dung.

Gollum is easily my favorite LotR character, and if anyone from the franchise deserves a standalone game, it’s him. He’s suffered, struggled, and for a time, wielded a ghastly amount of power he couldn’t come close to being able to fathom to any meaningful extent. In that way, I suppose Daedalic Entertainment and Gollum have much in common; a developer was given a One Ring opportunity to make the most of a beloved IP and character — and wasted the chance to be powerful beyond its wildest dreams. I’m sorry, sweet Sméagol. Looks like your Precious has, once again, been tragically stolen away.

This review is based on the PlayStation 5 version of the game. A copy was provided by Nacon.

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