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Make no mistake folks, de-escalation is an invaluable and sadly often uncommon skill, as anyone who’s watched a TikTok bust-up will know.
Now, just because talent in de-escalation is more elusive than you might think, that doesn’t mean that trouble has to result in thrown fists, bruises, broken noses, and a handful of police reports.
No, sometimes, it can manifest as one of those thoughts that pop into your brain at 3 am while you’re desperately trying to get to sleep. Sweat-soaked pillows and staring at the ceiling inevitably follows, ensuring that, even in the unlikely scenario that you do pass into dreamland after thinking about it, it’s not without fighting off the stomach-churning cringe evoked by your most embarrassing moments running on a mental loop.
With that said, if second-hand cringe is your kryptonite, turn away now. Otherwise, read on for a reluctant recounting of the most disarming power move we’ll see this week.
As divulged with respectable humility by @alli_bellairs, our story begins at the entrance to a gas station, where she held open the door for those entering and exiting the building in that moment, just as any good Samaritan would. This routine act of kindness evolved into a test of decorum when a man saw her deed and raised her his own, propping the door open with his arm and insisting that she go inside.
After the tensest exchange of good manners in recent history, Alli issued the ultimatum that she’ll regret for the rest of her life: let go of the door or be subjected to a series of tickles. Little did Alli know, however, that this wasn’t the man’s first rodeo in the realm of aggressive civility, greeting her ultimatam with a nod before uttering “I respect that,” and strolling into the gas station. The visible, debilitating dread on Alli’s face when she recounts this skin-crawlingly embarrassing story says all you need to know about the effect that the exchange had on her.
To put it in simpler terms, Alli here has thrown her hat in the ring for the single most awkward threat ever uttered by a human being, tangoing near the upper echelons with the likes of “stay hydrated,” “don’t buy the cheap oats,” and “I will tell everyone that black licorice was your idea.”
Furthermore, if we ever see the day when TikTok becomes TickleTok, we now know where it all began.