‘Even his cult didn’t bother to show up’: Donald Trump’s $40 million parade flops as he looks bored stiff at his own festival

If there’s one thing Donald Trump loves more than gilded interiors and golf courses, it’s himself. 

And what better way to celebrate the man who once described himself as “like, really smart” than by rolling tanks through the streets of Washington, D.C., in a scene that screamed “North Korea, but make it American”? Except, to no one’s surprise but perhaps Trump’s, the entire affair turned out to be less of a triumph.

The event, ostensibly organized to honor the 250th anniversary of the Army’s founding, seemed more like a thinly veiled excuse to stroke Trump’s ego. Sure, he and his administration slapped some patriotic wrapping paper on the whole thing, but the timing was a little too convenient to ignore—it just so happened to coincide with Trump’s 79th birthday.

The parade itself featured tanks, rocket launchers, and troops parading solemnly down Constitution Avenue. You’d think such a display of military might would stir some nationalistic pride, but the scene was bizarrely hollow. The crowd was sparse, the energy muted, and the man of the hour — our dear leader — looked as though he’d rather be anywhere else.

Let’s not pretend this wasn’t about Trump. For years, he’s been itching for a military parade like the ones he’s seen in authoritarian regimes. His transition team reportedly floated the idea of tanks and missile launchers for his inaugural parade back in 2017, but the Pentagon shut it down, citing logistical concerns (and probably the fact that it would make the U.S. look like a dictatorship). But Trump is nothing if not persistent. He tried again in 2019, eyeing a grand Fourth of July spectacle. Critics have rightly questioned why the event focused solely on the Army, excluding other branches like the Navy and Marine Corps, which were also founded in 1775. The answer, of course, is that this wasn’t really about the military — it was about Trump.

Meanwhile, across the country, anti-Trump protests dwarfed the parade in scale and energy. Dubbed “No Kings” rallies, these demonstrations drew millions of participants in over 2,000 cities and towns. America isn’t North Korea. Our democracy thrives on the idea that power is shared, not concentrated in one individual. Military parades of this nature feel out of place in a country that values civilian leadership over military dominance. Trump’s inability to grasp that nuance is both unsurprising and deeply concerning.