An Australian candidate for Prime Minister said he’d ‘fight’ Donald Trump ‘in a heartbeat’… so where do I buy tickets?

A candidate for Prime Minister in Australia just said he would be willing to “fight” President Donald Trump “in a heartbeat,” because I guess that’s just the timeline we’re living on. 

Peter Dutton, who is in the running to become Prime Minister of Australia ahead of a federal election slated for May, made the comments during a recent interview with Sky News Australia. Dutton, who leads the country’s conservative-leaning Liberal Party (an oxymoron, but makes sense since the toilet flushes backwards there), said he’d go toe-to-toe with Trump if it was in Australia’s best interests. 

“If I need to have a fight with Donald Trump or any other world leader to advance our nation’s interest, I will do it in a heartbeat,” Dutton said, painting an image of Trump in boxing gloves that will now remain etched in my brain forever. “I’ll put the Americans on notice and anyone else who seeks to act against our national interest,” Dutton added. Of course, the Aussie politician is likely referring to a diplomatic “fight” as opposed to one in an actual ring, which is sad news for anyone who’d like to see how Trump would fare in a legitimate brawl. 

He has difficulty merely opening doors, so I imagine it’d be Dutton who walked away with the championship belt. Dutton’s promise to fight the president formed part of his broader commentary amid the growing uncertainty over Trump’s plans to impose sweeping tariffs as part of so-called ‘Liberation Day’. In case you missed it, the tariff-happy president will outline his global reciprocal tariff policies at an event at the White House on Tuesday, and it’s thought they will impact Australian exports like beef, sheep and pharmaceuticals.

WATCH!! Danish Foreign Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen pushes back at criticism over Greenland, saying he did not appreciate Vance’s “tone.”

“This is not how you speak to your close allies”

🎥Denmark MFA pic.twitter.com/FywZag7riP

— Alex Raufoglu (@ralakbar) March 29, 2025

“I’m not going to allow the President of the United States… or anyone else to walk over me or to walk over our country,” Dutton said ahead of Trump’s looming tariffs. If it makes him feel any better, Trump isn’t exactly a proficient walker (just as the steps of his Marine One chopper), so perhaps his fears of being walked-over are a little misplaced. Dutton is far from the only world leader to offer a terse assessment of the Trump administration amid his aggressive tariffs and general tomfoolery on the global diplomatic stage. 

Last week, Denmark’s foreign minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen chided JD Vance for his “tone” when discussing the Trump administration’s bizarre plans to take over Greenland (yep, they’re still rambling on about that). Before that, Mexico’s President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo offered a swift rebuke after Trump successfully changed the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Then there was former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeu, who delivered a tariff-induced Trump burn so scolding I’m surprised the president is currently on fire.

“We will never be the 51st state.”

Justin Trudeau terms Donald Trump’s border argument an “excuse” and “bogus”, saying that POTUS’ changing reasons show he doesn’t know what he wants- except that Trump wants to annex Canada. pic.twitter.com/v5OmovmKP7

— Courtney Theriault (@cspotweet) March 4, 2025

All of that without even mentioning Trump’s disastrous White House meeting with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. At this rate, I’m half-convinced that all the world leaders have a group chat in which they gossip about Trump’s latest foreign policy manoeuvres. For the love of God, do not let Pete Hegseth anywhere near that group chat.