‘I wouldn’t go even if it was free’: Trump-era United States now paying Canadians to vacation here

Who could have ever predicted that Canadians would stay away in droves from the Donald Trump-era United States? Why, he only openly threatened to invade Canada, slapped the country with aggressive tariffs, imprisoned innocent Canadians on flimsy pretences, insulted its leaders, and implemented aggressive border searches! No biggie!

As such, Canadians have decided: thanks but no thanks, we’ll be staying on our side of the border for now. Unfortunately for America, Canadians visiting the United States are a major factor in business and tourism. In 2024, Canadian visitors spent more than $20 billion in the United States, a figure which is rapidly shrinking towards zero.

The data on how much this is going to hit the economy in 2025 is still coming in, but in March 2025 alone (before most of Trump’s attacks on Canada were even outlined), the number of Canadians crossing the border by car dropped by a massive 32% compared to March 2024.

Tourist destinations reliant on Canadian visitors are terrified as their livelihoods dry up before their eyes. Now, in a frantic attempt to lure Canadians to the United States, the state of California has said that anyone with a Canadian passport or ID can get a 25% discount at 1000 hotels in the state:

#NEWS: The state of California wants Canadian tourism back in the state & is offering Canadians 25% at 1000 hotels. pic.twitter.com/BVFlrjMpUt

— Made In Canada (@MadelnCanada) May 20, 2025

A polite “no”

That, my friends, is the stink of desperation. Canadians aren’t falling for it, with the responses insisting “I wouldn’t go there even if it was a free trip!!!!”, “And get detained at the border because they search our phones and we support a free Palestine?” and “There’s more than a 25% chance I will be deported, no thanks”.

Canadian satirists are also hard at work making fun of America’s feeble attempts to entice them south. Over on “The Beaverton”, they bill this kind of offer as: “Visit Disney World, the Grand Canyon, or –depending on the contents of your cellphone– maybe even extend your vacation indefinitely in the most terrifying penal colony El Salvador has to offer! Book now!”

They also quote a fictitious US tourism board spokesman who sums up how the Canadians view this bribery:

“We know things might seem a little tense here in the ol’ U.S. of A. right now, what with ICE agents randomly arresting legitimate VISA holders, branding them terrorists with no due process, and then ignoring Supreme Court orders to return them from the nightmarish extra-legal prison we dumped them in. But Canadians will be fine probably! You guys are all white, right?”

So, let’s say the mood of our friends in the North is definitely frosty right now. So, if you run a business reliant on Canadian tourists, maybe it’s time to switch up what you have on sale. For example, have you considered the lucrative option of converting your ski resort into a hellish ICE gulag?