Even Donald Trump’s DOJ seems done with George Santos, wants to lock him up for 7 years

George Santos, the poster child for political grifters everywhere — a man who couldn’t tell the truth if his knock-off Ferragamo loafers depended on it — is staring down the barrel of seven years in federal prison. And honestly? It couldn’t happen to a nicer fabulist.

Santos has been conspicuously absent from Donald Trump’s recent pardon-palooza. Despite Trump’s apparent fondness for fellow “alternative fact” enthusiasts, even he seems to recognize that Santos is too radioactive to touch with a ten-foot gold-plated pole. Now, Prosecutors from the Eastern District of New York dropped a scathing sentencing memo last Friday.

They described his actions as “unparalleled crimes” that “made a mockery” of the election system. The memo painted a damning portrait of a man whose “unrestrained greed” and “voracious appetite for fame” allowed him to exploit voters, donors, and democracy itself. The memo also warned that Santos has a “high likelihood of reoffending,” which makes sense considering lying and scheming seem to be his favorite hobbies.

Santos was elected in 2022 after flipping a Democratic district on Long Island, but it didn’t take long for his carefully crafted house of lies to collapse. The man claimed to have worked at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup (he didn’t), graduated from Baruch College (nope), been a volleyball star (lol), and descended from Holocaust survivors (absolutely not). He even allegedly stole from a disabled veteran’s dying dog’s GoFundMe campaign — a sentence so cartoonishly villainous I can barely type it with a straight face.

During his guilty plea last August, Santos admitted to tricking voters and donors, stealing nearly a dozen identities (including those of his own family members), making fraudulent campaign donations to himself, stealing credit card information for personal shopping sprees, and lying to the Federal Election Commission.

A federal judge will determine Santos’ fate at an April 25 hearing on Long Island. So, it appears Santos’ brief career as a Cameo celebrity and rumored OnlyFans aspirant might be coming to an abrupt end. For those who missed it, after being unceremoniously booted from Congress, Santos pivoted to charging people $200 a pop for personalized videos on Cameo, perhaps the only honest work he’s ever done.

But the prison industrial complex tends to frown upon entrepreneurial side hustles involving cell phones and internet access. And yet, despite staring down years in federal prison, Santos seems to have other concerns weighing on his mind. Last year on X (formerly Twitter), he lamented never making it to one of Diddy’s infamous parties.