America mourns champagne as insane Trump tariffs threaten French imports to the states

If you thought it was just Canada, Mexico and China who’d be the victims of Donald Trump’s aggressive tariff policies, well… I have some news for you. The president has recently broadened the scope of his tariff plans, this time threatening to impose a 200% (yes, you read that number correctly) import tax on alcohol from France, which — for all bubbly drinkers — unfortunately includes champagne.

News of the tariff came courtesy of a post/rant on Truth Social, in which Trump explained that the enormous levy would also apply to other European nations. Good thing he didn’t slap the tariff on escargot, or else my French-themed dinner parties would be cancelled altogether. 

( @realDonaldTrump – Truth Social Post )
( Donald J. Trump – Mar 13, 2025, 7:58 AM ET )

The European Union, one of the most hostile and abusive taxing and tariffing authorities in the World, which was formed for the sole purpose of taking advantage of the United States, has just… pic.twitter.com/wWYBWGI6vt

— Donald J. Trump 🇺🇸 TRUTH POSTS (@TruthTrumpPosts) March 13, 2025

In between all the unnecessary capital letters and even more unnecessary exclamation points, Trump explained that the 200% tariff proposal was a direct response to the European Union’s move to reinstate an import tax on American whiskey. It’s a game of tariff ping-pong in which the only losers are those who could use a well-earned drink after a long work day.

“The European Union, one of the most hostile and abusive taxing and tariffing authorities in the World, which was formed for the sole purpose of taking advantage of the United States, has just put a nasty 50% Tariff on Whisky,” Trump wrote in the cadence of a toddler whose candy was stolen. “If this Tariff is not removed immediately, the U.S. will shortly place a 200% Tariff on all WINES, CHAMPAGNES, & ALCOHOLIC PRODUCTS COMING OUT OF FRANCE AND OTHER E.U. REPRESENTED COUNTRIES.”

Champagne is exclusively produced in the Champagne region of France, and the term “Champagne” is legally protected.

There are no Champagne businesses in the U.S.

This is the same man eliminating the Department of Education. pic.twitter.com/XqhrAdB2b1

— Melanie D’Arrigo (@DarrigoMelanie) March 13, 2025

Almost forgetting that it’s his job to prioritize Americans’ economic welfare and not engage in needless tit-for-tats, Trump concluded the post with the tacked-on afterthought “this will be great for the Wine and Champagne businesses in the U.S.” It is simply the latest escalation in the global trade war that Trump kickstarted with his tariffs on Canada, Mexico and China earlier this year. Trump then broadened his vision by placing import taxes on steel and aluminium entering the US, a move that affected European countries and which European leaders deemed unjustified. 

That’s why the European Commission, the executive body of the EU, announced its plans to impose retaliatory tariffs on American whiskey, which would come into effect next month. Of all the products that could become targets for Trump, why must it be alcohol —  the very thing necessary for getting through another four years of this? Perhaps the only solace is the fact that many of Trump’s tariff plans have been delayed before they have gone into effect, which will hopefully be the case for the 200% tax. 

Trump saying 200% tariff will be great for Champagne businesses in the U.S. pic.twitter.com/c5wvdJQCtk

— Simon Bewick (@SimonBewick) March 13, 2025

I sincerely hope so, as I can’t afford to have my dinner party guests going thirsty. In any case, I guess we can now add France (and Europe more broadly) to the growing list of regions that have bizarrely become targets of the president. Frenchmen, I think it’s time to consult with your equally aggravated citizens in Panama, Greenland, Canada, Australia, and Ukraine, to name a few. For what it’s worth, I think Russia is pretty chuffed.