The best Smart DNS for watching movies abroad.
The 2000s were a transformative time in the world. It was the dawn of a new millennium, and everyone was ready to embrace the brave new world of CGI technology in Hollywood. New characters and franchises would dominate and shape the minds of children who came up in that era, but as much as I hate to say it, a lot of those movies actually suck.
Listen, I’m not happy to report this news. I still enjoy watching quite a few of these with my Netflix subscription or whatever streaming service they happen to be on. Unfortunately, with age comes wisdom, and I have to say a lot of these following movies just don’t hold up upon rewatch.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over
Let’s be honest, this one shouldn’t surprise many. I remember watching this movie in theaters as a kid and thinking it was bad, so it’s no wonder I felt the same as an adult. I’ll add that it’s honestly worse when you can’t see the 3D effects, as the movie creates many shots specifically designed to utilize it.
Barnyard
In a long list of CGI movies that came to try and hop on the Pixar money train, Barnyard represents the worst attempt. This movie is like the same premise as Toy Story on some level, where beloved farm animals act like humans when people aren’t watching. The main problem is it lacks a lot of heart and story quality.
Fat Albert
The Fat Albert movie was a kids movie released in the wrong era. Children of the 2000s might’ve been vaguely familiar with the character, but the cartoon was hardly getting television time in this era. The end result was a kids movie that, while decent, doesn’t really have an audience that is all that interested in watching.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
You really have to be of the era to understand just how hyped people were that Tim Burton was directing Johnny Depp in a remake of Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. Unfortunately, the idea of doing that was not quite as solid as the execution, and I think I’d sooner watch Wonka a hundred times than sit through this one again.
Twilight
Twilight was one of the biggest pop culture franchises of the 2000s, but you wouldn’t know it by how low-budget the movie made for it was. Of all the movie franchises in need of a reboot, despite the stellar cast from the original, this is the most needed and deserving because future generations shouldn’t be subjected to it.
The Cat In The Hat
Make no mistake, many were of the opinion that The Cat In The Hat was a bad movie from the jump. The upside is that the Mike Myers-led Dr. Seuss adaptation is so bad that it’s achieved cult status where the narrative has shifted back to it being enjoyable. I think these days, a lot of people like how it wasn’t really all that appropriate for children.
Charlotte’s Web
I understand the mindset of why it seemed like a good idea to make a live-action adaptation of Charlotte’s Web, especially with the success of the Babe franchise. At the same time, the animated movie made in 1973 was about as perfect as could be,. This makes the live-action version a soulless remake we see happen far too often with beloved animated movies, so it’s not a great watch.
Dinosaur
Dinosaur felt like Disney’s attempt to replicate the success of Jurassic Park, but to make it something that was a bit more kid-friendly. The movie quickly came and went without much fanfare, but it did result in one of the most horrifying rides at Disney World for a time.
Pokémon: The First Movie
Pokémon remains one of the most dominant franchises in the world, but let’s be real and admit the first animated movie was pretty bad. I know, it feels like blasphemy to the point I’m hating myself for writing it, but the story is objectively bad and just not that good.
Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
The influence Jimmy Neutron had on millennials is unmatched, but it’s important to note that almost none of what made the character iconic came from the movie. The TV show was amazing, but the movie almost felt like a pilot for the series, and like characters like Sheen, Carl, and others weren’t as fully realized as they later were on the show.
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets is generally considered the weakest of the franchise, and that’s largely because it suffers trying to be as close to the book as possible. This makes the movie close to three hours long, and frankly, makes the adventure drag on in a few places. When watching the Harry Potter movies in order, this is generally the one fans dread the most.
A Christmas Carol
A Christmas Carol has been remade time and time again, to the point that even a CGI remake starring Jim Carrey couldn’t make a big splash in shaking things up.
Son Of The Mask
Son of the Mask is a movie most critics declared dead on arrival, and I’d argue it effectively ended any momentum Jamie Kennedy gained as an actor with Malibu’s Most Wanted. Still, as a kid, this movie was a blast to watch and one that had enough laughs to be watched again and again compared to the original. It doesn’t hold up now watching as an adult, but those memories were fun.
The Country Bears
Disney would find great success adapting a theme park ride when Pirates Of The Caribbean became a breakout film franchise. Unfortunately, The Country Bears came out a year before, and it proved that the well of lore behind the animatronic bears that have entertained parkgoers for decades is, unsurprisingly, not that deep.
Surf’s Up
In the 90s it was Antz going up against A Bugs Life, and in the 2000s it was Happy Feet and Surf’s Up. Could surfing penguins stand tall against a bunch of dancing penguins? Listen I was just as shocked to find out as a kid, but it turns out watching penguins dance was a far more entertaining story.
National Treasure
This may be a hot take, especially considering how much the world still looks forward to upcoming Nicolas Cage movies. I loved this movie as a kid, but rewatching it as an adult just didn’t capture me in the same way, and I think a lot of others who rewatch the same.
A Series Of Unfortunate Events
I could make the argument that A Series Of Unfortunate Events is actually a great adaptation, and it was the lack of sequels adapting the other books that really sunk this franchise. That said, I feel like Netflix’s series adaptation done years later really does the whole thing better, though I would’ve loved to see what Paramount could’ve done had this become a full franchise.
Zathura: A Space Adventure
I think, in hindsight, the problem with Zathura: A Space Adventure is that the marketing leaned far too heavily into it coming from the same author as Jumanji. The movies are not remotely similar to each other, and kids who went in expecting Jumanji antics left disappointed.
Shrek The Third
The original Shrek was great, and while I enjoyed the sequel, I already felt the franchise was overstaying its welcome. Shrek The Third is just mostly pop culture jokes, without a story nearly as strong as the first two movies. It makes for a largely forgettable movie, and one I’d advise to skip.
Robots
Robots had everything going for them that, frankly, not every CGI movie at the time did. It had a stellar voice cast that included Robin Williams, Ewan McGregor, and Halle Berry to start, and robots are about the easiest cool thing to market to kids. Unfortunately, the movie is rather bland and didn’t quite resonate well enough for anyone to want a sequel.
The Spiderwick Chronicles
I don’t know if there’s a 2000s movie with a PG rating that is more horrific than The Spiderwick Chronicles. The movie is a bit terrifying for younger audiences, mainly due to the dark themes and one particularly troubling scene. That said Freddie Highmore had a great performance playing twins, which is especially impressive given how young he was.
A Cinderella Story
Chad Michael Murray is pitching ideas for A Cinderella Story 2, so it’s high time to remind the world the original was pretty bad. A modern take on Cinderella largely falls flat, with Hilary Duff not hitting the mark for being the high school outcast that she’s portrayed to be in the movie. Plus, a cell phone replacing a glass slipper is almost as ridiculous as wearing a shoe made of something so breakable.
Bolt
To be honest, Bolt not becoming a Disney classic is a hard one to explain. It has all the DNA that replicates the success of previous movies, but for some reason, it’s just not nearly as good in execution despite dogs being at the center of many quality children’s movies. I wish things were different, but this dog is a dud.
Agent Cody Banks
Hollywood really tried to make Frankie Muniz a hit outside of Malcolm In The Middle, but unfortunately, none of his efforts ever seemed to resonate a ton with audiences. That said, I think Agent Cody Banks ranks among the worst attempts, especially since the movie contains two references to special education that prompted the studio to make an apology.
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Hannah Montana: The Movie may get love from Swifties thanks to a cameo by Taylor Swift, but I think that most would agree the movie isn’t nearly as good as the Disney series. Strangely enough, that generally seems the case with kids movies, though I would argue the opposite is true when it comes to most adult franchises.
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
The Chipmunks should generally be saved for that Christmas song they sing, but Hollywood brought them back and audiences responded enough to get a sequel made. Unfortunately, that success did not translate to a better script, as watching Zachary Levi mess around with CGI chipmunks makes for a rough watch.
Shark Tale
I think beyond just being a subpar movie, there’s something we rarely discuss about Shark Tale. Will Smith’s Oscar is not a shark, and yet he’s the main character while Jack Black’s Lenny is a supporting character. It would appear to me the story was never solely about the shark at all, but truth be told, the story isn’t all that good at all.
Rugrats Go Wild
The Rugrats movies were on a solid run with some heavy topics that made for great stories. The first movie captured Tommy reconciling with having a sibling, and the second featured Chucky coping with his mom’s death and a new relationship, so it’s only natural the third movie became a crossover with The Wild Thornberrys. Wait, that doesn’t make sense you say? Yeah, I think most people agree, especially after watching this disappointing crossover.
Osmosis Jones
I can’t think of a worse movie to show a child who is afraid of dying of sickness than Osmosis Jones. Imagine seeing this movie, and thinking that everything that happens to you is the result of sentient cells in your body getting in brawls with viruses? It’s terrifying, and the last thing any kid wants to be thinking of when they’re sick.
The Adventures Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl
The Adventures Of Sharkboy And Lavagirl felt like Robert Rodriguez knew he went to the well too many times with Spy Kids, but still wanted to make a kid’s movie in the exact same style. The end result is this movie, which was largely panned upon release for the forced use of 3D effects that, to some, ruined any praise it could’ve gotten.
Monsters vs. Aliens
Truthfully, I’d argue that Monsters vs. Aliens was ahead of its time. The movie wasn’t stellar, but it created an ensemble team of monsters that could’ve eventually been one of the biggest kids movie heroes out there during the rise of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Unfortunately, Dreamworks balked at the idea of sequels, so we’ll never know.
Hotel For Dogs
With a title like Hotel For Dogs, it’s pretty hard to disappoint critics and audiences. Everyone should know what they signed up for, and yet, reviews for this movie are not good, and somehow, the idea of a hotel for dogs is not quite as fun in execution as anyone would’ve imagined.